Synopsis

Two years after her mother’s death from breast cancer, Caitlin, then 20 years old, was admitted to a psychiatric facility after a suicide attempt. There, a therapist diagnosed her with major depression and anxiety, and she spent time as an inpatient.

Years later, still suffering from grief and depression, Caitlin decided to embark on a “grief journey,” interviewing the people involved in her mother’s dying process: a hospice nurse, a priest, an estate planner, a hairstylist, and a funeral director. If she figured out how they could function after being so close to her mother’s death, then maybe she could learn how to navigate her own life.

Each chapter of The Mourning Report is centered on each interview and the memories, anxieties, and reflections that it stimulated. It asks what it means to “move on.”

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Praise

“I cried more times than I can count while reading this book, but I also laughed and marveled at Garvey’s honesty. She has dared to tell the truth about grief, anxiety, and the seemingly impossible task of living on after loss. The Mourning Report is an unforgettable portrait of a mother and daughter, and something truly rare—a meditation on death that is filled with life.”  -Rachel Jamison Webster, author of Mary is a River

Titled a report—sly and straightforward in its nomenclature—Caitlin Garvey’s memoir is also a testimony.  It attests to grief as a veil, and to the ravages of loss.  At eighteen, Garvey lost her mother and subsequently herself.  With candor and vulnerability, she writes to retrieve the Lost Child she’s become.  The result is a book of heartrending tenderness. – Peggy Shinner, author of You Feel So Mortal

“Many memoirs of loss are limited by the author’s understanding at the time of the events. Caitlin Garvey recognizes this, and in her post-mortem journey seeks to find who her mother was (alive and dead) to others. In graceful language devoid of sentimentality, Garvey takes us to the people who knew her mother in ways she never could. If this sounds grim, it isn’t-there’s a hilarious moment with a hospice nurse. Garvey is an honest, clear-eyed chronicler of her journey of grieving and collecting stories about her mother, who died of inflammatory breast cancer. At the same time this is Garvey’s own story of living with mental illness and making her way in the world. At this time of crisis, we are all searching for meaning and substance. Garvey provides both in this lovely and incisive book.” – S.L. Wisenberg, author of The Adventures of Cancer B*tch

Excerpt

When I look into Father Dore’s eyes this time, they don’t look rigid or judging like they did when I was in grade school. Instead, they look weary—his eyes remind me of Momma’s eyes after her double mastectomy—and like his mother before her death, there is some fear in them. His eyes look like the eyes of an 81-year-old man, but also like the eyes of a child. He’s tired from all of his experiences, but maybe he’s also newly seeing, or still seeking.

Referring to God and the stories of the Bible, Dore admits that every once in a while, when he’s praying, he thinks to himself, “Is this shit real?” We laugh together, the sincere kind of laughter, and at this moment I realize that Father Dore is not wiser than the rest of society, nor is he otherworldly. He’s just trying to figure out how to exist.

I think that losing a parent even at an old age places a person, at least temporarily, back in the role of a neglected, confused child. As I watch Father Dore, I realize that I long for something from God that’s impossible for me to get. I want to curl up in a ball and lean my head on God’s shoulders while he shushes me and tells me everything will be all right. I want God to sing me to sleep. In the morning I want him to tell me to get up and make my bed. I want him to tell me that I’m irritable because I’m not eating enough, and then I want him to say, “Check the cabinets. I just bought some Rice Krispy Treats.” I want him to tell me that he talked to my sisters and my dad and he comforted them, too. I want him to hold our family together. I want him to hear me play the trumpet and tell me that I’m talented and that he’s so proud of me.

About the Author

Caitlin Garvey is a writer and English professor in Chicago. She has an MFA in creative writing from Northwestern University, as well as an MA in English Literature from DePaul University. Her work has been published in Post Road Magazine, JuxtaProse Magazine, Apeiron Review, The Baltimore Review, The Tishman Review, The Journal of Compressed Creative Arts, and others. Her forthcoming memoir, The Mourning Report (Homebound Publications, 2020), is about losing her mother to cancer and collecting the stories of the people who played a role in her mother’s care.

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