Synopsis

Nominated for The Pacific Northwest Booksellers Book Award, Alle C. Hall’s debut literary novel, As Far As You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back, is a-girl-and-her-backpack story with a #MeToo influence:

Carlie is not merely traveling. A child sexual abuse survivor, as a teen, she steals ten thousand dollars from her parents and runs away to Asia. There, the Lonely Planet path of hookups, heat, alcohol, and drugs takes on a terrifying reality. Landing in Tokyo in the late 1980s, Carlie falls in with an international crew of tai chi-practicing backpackers. With their help, Carlie has the chance at a journey she didn’t plan for: one to find the self-respect ripped from her as a child and the healthy sexuality she desires.

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Guest Post

Coping: addiction & obsessive-compulsive behavior, depression & anxiety

I feel honored that Leslie has entrusted me to write about this difficult topic. The great news is that once a person understands that her, his, or their coping skills are a result of unresolved trauma, the concept of healing becomes truly possible.

First, a somewhat clinical and probably depressing explanation:

Providing someone survives the initial trauma, which is not a given, the immediate (often long-lasting) consequences are: depression and/or anxiety, physical pain, and addiction/compulsive and obsessive behaviors. These sequela (states of disease that result from an initial incident or disorder) can rotate as if on a Lazy Susan: clear the physical pain, and your sex addiction goes through the roof. Get some recovery in AA, and a largely unresolvable depression or anxiety floods you.

Point of fact: if I hadn’t gotten treatment for childhood trauma, I would have been tagged with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and spent my life pursuing medication that wouldn’t work for me because I am not bipolar. I am a trauma survivor.

The long-term consequences of untreated trauma—and therefore, untreated addiction, depression and/or anxiety, and physical pain—are straightforward and terrifying: death, incarceration, or hospitalization.

When people learn that I survived sexual trauma and that this trauma that defined my childhood, they usually ask, “How did you get through it?”

They mean the trauma.

I hear, “All those years following it.”

There is a reason the diagnosis is post-traumatic stress disorder. Until the healing begins, every element of your life is defined not only by what happened but also by what didn’t: no one taught you how to love or be loved. No one even taught you how to like, as in “friends.” Your best friends always seem to be better friends with someone else. How can you be a good friend—a good lover, partner, parent—when you have no idea how to share healthfully of yourself, how to trust, how to be dependable or self-effacing or straightforward or sometimes, just silent?

I found the “normal” human abilities that I was never taught in much the way that my main character does in my debut novel, As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back.

• Carlie bumbles through as many addictions as I could throw at her: alcoholism, smoking, sex and love, and food. Ö
• Kind people introduce her to Tai Chi. Ö
• Thing improve. Ö

In my experience, spirituality is a critical element when addressing the sequela of abuse. Certainly, we often need psychiatric medication. We definitely need therapy and support groups. However, that element that makes recovery last, Joy, traces directly to my spiritual growth.

Tai chi became the bedrock of my spirituality.

Tai chi offers me a spirituality with legs. I don’t think about my spiritual growth; I do it. I set up a practice that brings me to face myself every day. Tai chi is a Taoist practice. In Taoism, there is no difference between the body and the mind. Damage one, damage the other. Luckily, as you heal one, you heal the other.

Thank you, Alle, for writing a beautiful entry to share with us today. I hope it strikes a chord with many.

About the Author

Nominated for The Pacific Northwest Booksellers Book Award and—tis just in—winner of The PenCraft Book Award for Fiction – Adventure, Alle C. Hall’s debut literary novel, As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back was winning prizes before its publication, including the National League of American Pen Women’s Mary Kennedy Eastham Prize. Her short stories and essays appear in journals, including Dale Peck’s Evergreen Review, Tupelo Quarterly, New World Writing, Litro, Creative Nonfiction, and Another Chicago. She has written for The Seattle Times and Seattle Weekly and was a contributing writer at The Stranger. She is the former senior nonfiction editor at jmww journal and the former associate editor of Vestal Review. Hall lived in Asia, traveled there extensively, speaks what she calls “clunky” Japanese, and has a tai chi practice of 35 years running.

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