THE COLDEST WINTER I EVER SPENT

by

Ann Jacobus

YA / Contemporary / Suicide & Family Issues

Publisher: Carolrhoda Lab

Date of Publication: March 7, 2023

Number of Pages: 352 pages

Audiobook: 9 hours, 11 minutes

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Eighteen-year-old Del is in a healthier place than she was a year and a half ago: She’s sober, getting treatment for her depression and anxiety, working in her Aunt Fran’s San Francisco art gallery, and volunteering at a suicide-prevention hotline. Her own suicide attempt is in the past and living with her beloved aunt has helped her see a future for herself.

But when Aunt Fran is diagnosed with terminal cancer, Del’s equilibrium is shattered. She struggles to help care for her aunt—while also dealing with a crush, her looming first semester at college, and her shifts at the crisis line. After Aunt Fran asks for her help with a mind-boggling final request, Del must confront her own demons and rethink everything she thought she knew about life and death.

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This book sent me on an emotional roller coaster. There is so much to unpack in this book, not to mention how it might impact the reader.

Death is never an easy subject, and this book has it in spades. Between Del working as a volunteer at the Suicide Prevention line, her Aunt Fran battling cancer, and even Del’s own rocky past, I felt like the weight of the world was on Del’s shoulders, and the struggle was real. I appreciated the work that Del was doing to manage her issues while helping Fran in the last stages of her life. For someone who is only 18, she handled everything remarkably well. Or as well as could be expected. She wasn’t perfect, but then who is? But she learned a lot about herself and what she could handle being thrown at her.

While I admired Del for making strides in her life, I was very disappointed in her father. He avoided the situation with Fran, his sister, until the very last minute. But it was his way of coping with losing someone that he cared about. It is a message to us to not avoid the hard things in life and to do the uncomfortable no matter how hard it is.

There is a bright side, and that is Nick. While the relationship and interactions between Del and Nick are not always smooth and happy, it does provide real-world experiences for Del and how to handle the ups and downs without giving in to her past addictions. I loved the addition of Noor, his service dog. But then, I am a sucker for dogs in any capacity.

The book addresses an important topic, dying with dignity. At the time of this book, California was not a state that allowed this, but they are now. This is a very controversial topic, but it is an important one.

This book was an emotional one for me near the end as Fran entered her last days. It reminded me of losing my father, so the tears were flowing. It was cathartic, and I could feel for Del and all she was experiencing at that point.

While the book has trigger issues, if that does not impact you, pick up this book. We give it 5 paws up.

Ann Jacobus is the author of YA novels The Coldest Winter I Ever Spent and Romancing the Dark in the City of Light. She earned an MFA in writing from Vermont College of Fine Arts and has published articles, essays, short fiction, and poems. She teaches writing and presents at workshops and conferences. A former suicide crisis line counselor, she’s a mental health advocate and speaks to teens about writing and suicide prevention both. Born in Texas and a life-long Tex-Mex addict, she and her family divide their time between California and Massachusetts.

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