Excerpt – Tightrope by Jennifer Hyland
Synopsis
Jennifer Hyland spent twenty-six years in Canadian law enforcement, working major investigations, making high-stakes decisions, and rising to one of the highest ranks in policing. From the outside, her career reflected leadership, achievement, and success. From the inside, it was shaped by relentless pressure, the weight of responsibility, and the growing realization that the demands of the profession did not end when the workday was over.
In this deeply personal memoir, Hyland offers an insider account of modern policing, revealing the emotional burden officers can carry throughout their careers and the expectations that often leave little room for vulnerability. As she confronts PTSD, a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis, and the realization that the profession she had dedicated her life to was asking more than it gave, she reflects on the difficult balance between duty, leadership, and personal well-being.
More than an account of a career in law enforcement, Hyland’s story explores the pressure to remain strong, the personal cost of staying silent, and the impact the job can have on identity, health, and relationships. With candor and compassion, she acknowledges that no two people experience trauma or healing in the same way, while challenging the belief that those who protect others must always carry their burdens alone.
Raw, honest, and deeply reflective, this memoir offers a thoughtful examination of resilience, leadership, and the human side of public service, inviting readers behind the badge to discover the experiences that are so often left unseen.
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Excerpt
Chapter 1
THE BADGE AND THE BURDEN
“Sometimes, we must get lost in order to find our true path.” — Lailah Gifty Akita
The gunshot shattered the silence. In an instant, the area was soaked in blood and strewn with fragments of a life just lost. It was graphic. Brutal. Heartbreaking. I hadn’t grown up dreaming of wearing a uniform. I never imagined I’d stand in scenes like this, frozen between horror and duty.
It seemed like everyone around me knew exactly what they wanted to do in life, how they would do it, and when. My dreams and plans, however, were shaped by what others told me I should do—mainly my parents and family. Let’s be honest: What kid in Grade 5 genuinely dreams of being a lawyer?
I didn’t even know what lawyers did. Most of my classmates wanted to be teachers, doctors, firefighters, or police officers. These choices were based on the people we saw or admired as kids. What child regularly encounters a lawyer? Still, I dutifully told my teachers and friends that I wanted to be a lawyer because that was what my parents wanted. They envisioned me going to university, earning a prestigious degree, and securing a high-paying job. I adopted this notion without question, carrying it through high school and university.
My family saw “signs” that I was destined to be a lawyer. The biggest indicator? I liked to talk and argue—a lot. Even as a child, I wasn’t afraid to challenge adults or speak up. To my parents, this seemed like the perfect foundation for a legal career.
At the time, it felt reassuring to have a plan. In a world filled with uncertainty, I clung to the comfort of knowing my life had a clear direction. I didn’t have to stress about my future; it was already mapped out.
High school, however, was anything but easy. Navigating cliques, relationships, body image, and academic pressure was overwhelming. At just fifteen years old, I placed immense pressure on myself to excel academically, afraid of ruining my future before it even began. Looking back, I realize how unnecessary much of that stress was.
It saddens me now to think about how early we pressure kids to decide their future. My family has good genes; most of my mom’s siblings lived well into their nineties. Even so, at fifteen, I felt as though my entire life hinged on decisions I made in high school. In hindsight, it would have been perfectly fine if I hadn’t known what I wanted to do back then.
Unlike some people, I didn’t look back on high school fondly. For me, it was a time filled with insecurity and drama. I couldn’t wait to graduate and escape the social minefield of teenage life. I imagined adulthood as a time of freedom—a life where I could make my own choices without judgement.
But adulthood didn’t start as I had hoped. After earning a degree in political science, I took the LSAT twice. Despite improving my score the second time, I was still at the lower end of the spectrum for Canadian law schools. Discouraged, I decided not to apply.
For the first time in my life, I had no idea what I was going to do. I’d spent years dreaming of law school and a legal career without ever exploring other options. Suddenly, at twenty-three, I felt like I was starting from scratch. It was overwhelming.
With a university degree in hand, I worked as a cashier at a large grocery chain. Many employees had made it their career, but advancement opportunities for women were scarce. This wasn’t where I wanted to stay. I’d gone to university to move forward, yet here I was, feeling stagnant.
I’d lie awake at night, wondering what my life was supposed to be about. I wrote desperate journal entries, begging for clarity and direction. I even dreamed of being stuck in quicksand while others around me ran freely. I felt lost and alone.
If this sounds like you, take a If this sounds like you, take a deep breath. I promise the fog will lift. It’s okay to feel uncertain—I’ve been there too.
If you’re reading this because you’re considering a career as a first responder, or if you’re navigating uncertainty in your own life, know this: it’s better to try and fail than to never try at all. Your path will reveal itself, often when you least expect it.
About the Author
Jennifer Hyland is a retired Deputy Chief Constable with over twenty-six years of service in Canadian policing, where she rose to one of the highest leadership ranks in the profession. Her career spanned complex investigations, frontline operations, and senior command roles, giving her a rare, inside perspective on both the realities of the work and the systems behind it.
Based in Maple Ridge, British Columbia, Jennifer now speaks to organizations and audiences across industries on leadership, resilience, and navigating high-pressure environments. She is especially focused on supporting leaders who are committed to maintaining their values within complex and demanding systems.
Tightrope: Balancing Duty with Courage and Conviction is her first book.
