My Grandfather’s Pants by Tegon Maus
Publisher: Tirgearr Publishing (Jan 21, 2014)
Category: Contemporary Romance, Humor, Romantic Comedy, Suspense
Tour Dates: Oct/Nov, 2016
Available in: ebook, 164 Pages
Jack Laskin is an ordinary man. More than ordinary according to some. Running the family hardware store and a life that would bore a snail, nothing exciting ever seems to happen to him.
Then, at his mother’s urging, he tries on a pair of his late grandfather’s old pants and everything changes — most importantly his emerging love life. It’s not long before his mother and her meddling friends get involved.
When an old friend of his grandfather’s tells Jack he has something she wants, his new-found life takes another turn. Having no idea what he is supposed to have, Jack looks to his girlfriend, Connie, and her brother, Robert, for help.
In the end, the answers will all be found in his Grandfather’s Pants.
Praise for My Grandfather’s Pants by Tegon Maus
“This story is fantastic! It is totally different to anything I have read before. As the storyline unfolds, it is sexy, humorous and very entertaining – absolutely brilliant!”- Susan Keefe, Book Reviews By Susan Keefe, Author
“I was definitely not expecting to laugh as often as I did while reading My Grandfather’s Pants. Mr. Maus has a fantastic sense of humour that translates extremely well to the written word. He is adept at teasing out the funny side of even the most serious or mundane parts of daily life. It was especially entertaining to see how he plays around with a wide range of assumptions most of us make about certain groups of people in order to keep his readers on their toes.
My Grandfather’s Pants is a great choice for anyone in the mood for something quirky and original. This is the kind of book that begs to be read more than once. I, for one, will be revisiting it quite soon!”- LAS Reviewer, Long and Short Reviews
“My Grandfather’s Pants is a funny and surprising novel. An enjoyable combination of fantasy and suspense with a touch of romance. The protagonist, Jack is a likeable old soul thrown into a bizarre situation, and the way he handles the bizarre challenges he faces will keep you guessing . . . and laughing. Pick up this book if you want to take a ride on a saucy, madcap rollercoaster. You won’t be disappointed!”- Joseph N. Sidari, Amazon Reviewer
Excerpt 2 – My Grandfather’s Pants
I was embarrassed and shocked beyond words.
“Ah hell, he ain’t got it,” Harriet sputtered, covering up again.
“Mom, I don’t need any help, really.” I struggled to form the words.
“Oh, no, dear, not you. We’re here to help Connie. She’ll be the one who will need the help if your dad passed on his gift.”
“Gift? What gift?” I asked, concerned what the answer might be.
“Last night…you get any? Did you give it to her good?” Harriet asked, thrusting her hips toward me, puffing to the end of her cigarette.
“No,” I protested, backing away.
“He ain’t got it, Moraine,” Harriet hissed, waving a dismissive hand in my direction, stepping away and buttoning up at last.
“Got what? What are we talking about here?” I pressed.
No one spoke, all three of them just stood there.
“Go on tell him. If he’s a late bloomer he’ll know eventually,” Stella crossed her arms and nodded.
“Jack, your father had an appetite unlike any…” she began.
“The man was a machine,” Harriet injected, lighting another cigarette.
The tone of her voice made my heart pound with panic and the gleam in her eye struck fear in my heart.
“Insatiable really,” Stella offered, flipping her hand back and forth.
“Mom…I…You can’t possibly…” I was lost for words, confused.
“You don’t understand. Your dad…he was relentless. There was no end. Two and three, sometimes four times a day. Outside, in the kitchen, in the garage, in the car, in…”
“In the trunk.” Stella pointed at herself.
“You know he asked, but I could never bring myself to do it,” Mom said, turning to Stella.
“It wasn’t so bad. I kind of got to like it,” Stella confessed.
“Are you telling me Dad cheated on you?” I asked in shock.
“Oh, no, dear. He would never cheat on us, never,” she soothed, patting me.
“Never,” Stella and Harriet said in unison, both with the same tone of affirmation.
“Dad was sleeping with…?” I had to sit down.
The pictures that suddenly filled my head took the very breath out of me, making me gasp like a fish out of water.
“It wasn’t like that. I didn’t believe it in the beginning either. When your father and I were dating, his mother came to me with the same story.
At first, I thought she was simply trying to get rid of me, like I wasn’t good enough for your father. Then as time went by I began to see the truth of what she said. Little things at first…soon they grew more and more urgent, more demanding. I watched as your grandfather fell apart a little more each day. He refused the gift, refused to bend to the need that roiled inside him. It devoured him.
As time went by he became bitter, angry, less of the man he had been and more of a miserable wretch.
Your grandmother did everything a woman could do but as hard as she tried there was no convincing him that things would be alright. Henry was a stubborn man.
I promised myself I would never allow that fate to befall your father or you,” she said placing a hand on my shoulder.
“So because Grandpa was cranky you what?” I asked, now bewildered.
“I had to do something for sanity’s sake if nothing else. I saw the same madness begin to show itself in your father and it began to overshadow our relationship. I promised myself then and there I would never allow it to come between us. Harriet’s husband died in a car crash and she was devastated. She cried almost every day for two years afterward. She was lonely and your father was amorous and insatiable and I was tired. You have no idea how exhausting it was. Every time you turned around. It was a natural fit. Harriet had needs that hadn’t been filled since her husband’s death and your father didn’t seem to mind. Harriet felt better, your dad felt better and I was so relieved to have a break it was like Christmas in July. It was a win-win. Everyone was happy,” she said with a smile.
“Dad and Harriet?” I gasped, pointing at the wrinkled, old, mean spirited, chain-smoking gnome standing in front of me.
Harriet blew a smoke ring, put on a smug smile, bouncing her eyebrows in acknowledgment.
“Well…” she hesitated. “Even Harriet had her limits and after a few years, it only seemed natural to include Stella.”
“Yes. We switched off so everyone had at least a day to recoup. I had Thursdays and Saturdays. Stella took Wednesdays and Fridays, while Harriet took Mondays and Tuesdays and the odd day we weren’t available. She has always been the trooper,” Mom said proudly.
I bent forward, leaning over my knees, trying to catch my breath.
“How could you…how…?” I couldn’t form a thought with the pictures that pushed themselves into my head.
“We had needs, each of us. Your father had a family trait handed down for generations, ardent cravings that I…let me correct that. Cravings that no one woman could fulfill. He was a good man. He didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, never missed a day of work, never lied, never cheated…he had this one little quirk. He was a…”
“A sexual dynamo,” Harriet interrupted.
“Oh yes,” Stella agreed, rolling her eyes back in her head, fanning herself with the magazine she held.
“And you all shared him?” I choked.
This was a very bizarre story. I bounced from being kinda weirded out at the actions/comments of Jack’s mother and her friends to being intrigued at the mystery portion of the story.
I think this goes into the fantasy category because i wasn’t quite sure how the pants his grandfather wore fit into the story. Do these pants make the men more insatiable when it comes to their physical needs? Why are the women ok with there being a “harem”? Why do the older ladies call Jack by his grandfather’s name of Henry? Lots of unanswered questions.
The story is different, was a pretty fast read and was a little humorous in places. We give it 3 paws up.
About Tegon Maus
Tegon Maus was raised pretty much the same as everyone else… devoted mother, strict father and all the imaginary friends he could conjure. Not that he wasn’t friendly, he just wasn’t “people orientated”. Maybe he lived in his head way more than he should have, maybe not. He liked machines more than people, at least he did until I met his wife.
The first thing he can remember writing was for her. For the life of him he can’t remember what it was about… something about dust bunnies under the bed and monsters in my closet. It must have been pretty good because she married him shortly after that. He spent a good number of years chasing other dreams before he got back to writing.
It wasn’t a deliberate conscious thought, it was more of a stepping stone. His wife and himself had joined a dream interpret group and we were encouraged to write down our dreams as they occurred. “Be as detailed as you can,” we were told.
He was thrilled. If there is one thing he enjoys it’s making people believe him and he likes to exaggerate. Not a big exaggeration or an outright lie mind you, just a little step out of sync, just enough so you couldn’t be sure if it were true or not. When he writes, he always write with the effort of “it could happen” very much in mind and nothing, he guarantees you, nothing, makes him happier.
He has consistently placed in the top 3 in 189 writing contest in a variety of genres and has been featured in magazines a couple of times to raise money for Saint Jude’s Children’s Hospital.
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